While making love, he says:
- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one.
A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says:
- "F*ck it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.
Married man has belly because when he comes to the bad he says:
- "F*ck it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: She is expecting triplets.
Very bad: You were sterilized five years ago.
Good: Your wife doesn't talk to you.
Bad: She wants divorce.
Very bad: She is a lawyer.
Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He has a relationship with a whore from the neighborhood.
Very bad: Just like you.
Good: You are explaining to your daughter about birds and bees.
Bad: She interrupts you.
Very bad: And corrects you.
Good: Your son has a serious relationship.
Bad: The relationship is with a man.
Very bad: With your best friend.
Good: Your daughter has a good job.
Bad: She is a whore.
Very bad: She earns much more than you.
A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
- You are ruining police reputation, go home and change the shoes.
The policeman goes home, and comes back after a while.
- Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.
Two policemen are in a patrol car:
- Could you check if the directionals work on your side of the car?
The other policeman looks through the window and says:
- Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...
A panda walks into a bar, goes right to the counter, grabs a sandwich and after having eaten it he takes a gun out of his pocket and shoots the bartender. Then, as though nothing had happened, he walks out. Everyone in the bar is sitting all speechless and petrified but suddenly someone breaks the silence:
-What a hell was that?!?
Comes a sorrowful voice:
-It was a panda.
-???
-Perhaps you don't know what a panda is... It's a mammal that eats shoots and leaves.
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked what gender is 'computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
(Guys, that's a joke!)
=)
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