1) MR. BEAN SEES A DOCTOR :
Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean : 9
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend : What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

5) MARRIAGE:
Friend : How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend : Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend : How was the tape you borrowed! from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend : What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend : condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend : what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean : That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) SPELLING LESSON:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean : Make it three c to be sure!




Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he'll go out and come in again.
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He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
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Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
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While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, 'Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible.The doctor said, 'Tell him I can't see him.'
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Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, 'Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!! The doctor calmly replied, 'Let's just wait and see what develops.'
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One patient came in and said, 'Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.' The doctor asked, 'When did it start? The man replied, 'When did what start?'
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I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: 'Don't answer it.'
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My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, 'Doctor, I think I'm a bell.' The doctor gave him some pills and said, 'Here, take these if they don't work, give me a ring.'
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Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, 'Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later.'
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When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.
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You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, then he says, 'I wish you had come to me sooner.'

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Which reminds me.. THE DOCTOR IS AWAY TRAVELING SO NOW I CAN'T CHECK UP ON MY ANKLE AND I DON'T KNOW HOOOOWWWWWW[???] AM I GONNA DANCE!!!! =(