I'm eating dragonfruit. Again. My back hurts. Don't feel like sleeping. It hurts. Really bad. Makes me wanna cry. *sobs* I'm just crossing my fingers it's not injured inside. =( Don't know how to tell my parents now. I feel really problematic. Even though now Suleen's taking care of me, but I can't always depend on her to. I've to be independent and rely on myself to stop getting injuries. It's not doing me any good at all and will only earn me lots of scolding from my parents. =( I know my sis will read this but she better not tell my parents else I won't look for the dresses she's been asking me to look for. Hmph!! =P Nanapot!! When you read this, text me! =P Hiak hiak hiaks. Ughhh... My dragonfruit seems never ending. =S Just finished it. =D Okay let me tell a story since I don't feel like sleeping yet. x)
***********************************
Last year, I made the decision to go to Perth to further my ballet studies. So it was like that. My last birthday in Kuching, my last of everything but Christmas. Obviously I'll only come back once a year and that's like the end of the year. Believe it or not, my orientation starts few days before New Year 08. Why 2008? My dad paid my fees a lil late and my spot was taken. Yeps! I was enrolled into TAFE WA and supposingly, Beth James Ballet Academy. My July intake was pushed to January instead. I spent my birthday in KL with my parents. Due to my decision, I had a lot of disagreements in my then BGR. It was like.. quarreling every single day or every few days where the same topic pops up and the past is being brought back into the present. I could have ended things on the spot but I believed that it's not the best solution to things. Kinda dumb. =P Anyway, rumours had it that I was gonna dump him for some other guy or someone else when I get to Perth and he believed. And he blamed me for making that decision. For choosing my future over him. I got mad and things just didn't get along well for us then. He left for Curtin Miri in July then. It was still difficult. VERY. Once in a while we'll start on the same topic again. Only to wake up one morning realizing we broke up the night before and apologized and got back together pretending nothing happened but it was REAALLLLYYY pointless. Anyway things got cold and I found out then that he found another. Without any official break off. I was alright with it in the first place but I really blew off much later. Felt cheated and hurt at the same time.
We stopped talking and when we started, we couldn't really stop. I lost all hopes in him already then. Then he ended things with her saying that I'm still the one he loves and we got back together and raised my hopes up. Few days later, he got really cold and ignored me and ended things that night saying he's back with her. I cried my heart out that night and attacked my old wound. Started to move on then. Till he came back into my life. Again. I was still blamed for making that decision. For choosing Perth over him. For choosing my future over him. I don't get who's the selfish one though. Maybe me. Maybe him. Maybe both of us. But I really have my future to brighten and I can't just throw it away. So I stayed with my decision to go to Perth. It was 13 weeks before I was set to start in Perth. 11 weeks before I was to leave to Perth. Then and there, I changed my mind. Withdrew everything. Got my money back. One of the toughest decision I had to make. When I told him, I still got blamed. Again, for the 60159th time, the same topic was brought up. Really giving me a headache. Since he was still blaming me, I cooled off. It wasn't long before we got back together for the second time. It was okay for a few days. Then the night before Christmas 07, few minutes before Christmas, I received a text from him. To end things. I couldn't cry cause my sis was just next to me. But I cried later on in bed. Cried from deep down and crossed my heart that I will NEVER EVER believe him again. Really foolish of me to believe him in the first place anyway.
So that was it. I already withdrew. Hoping that things will be fine but still. Rotten. Anyway, I didn't know where to go then. So I just continued dancing. I really love dancing a lot. It's what I do best besides playing the piano. I chose to further my ballet studies on long distance with Royal Academy of Dance, UK. The headquarters' there but surely you don't expect me to go ALL the way to London for 3 whole years on my own right? Plus, my technique still needs improvement. Things kinda changed for me about 2 months ago. The incident that changed my mind and decision. The stupid ankle injury that spoiled things for me. =( My parents did ask me again then whether I want to go Perth. As much as I want to, I didn't have the heart to leave everything and everyone behind even though I'll still be coming back. So I chose not to. For now, the decision's been made. I'm to study. Not gonna mention where and what first. But it's all been confirmed and settled. I might just escape to Perth soon. I really want to so maybe I will but I won't decide yet. The future isn't in my hands. =) So that's my story to tell. I've been giving up a lot you can say but what's there for me to do? Nothing is in my hand. It's all undecided. All part of God's plan. So while I'm still breathing, I will definitely learn from yesterday, appreciate today, brace for tomorrow. That's what I'm gonna do now.
**************************************
So I'm ending this post right here, right now and going to sleep. I don't want to fall asleep in church later in the morning. Neither do I want to lose my concentration in class later and injure myself more. =) Therefore, goodnight! =)
P/S : Now that Kenneth's mentioned it, the main point of my story is not about the relationship. It's about ballet and me. The decisions I've made for it and everything and anything related to it. =)
***********************************
Last year, I made the decision to go to Perth to further my ballet studies. So it was like that. My last birthday in Kuching, my last of everything but Christmas. Obviously I'll only come back once a year and that's like the end of the year. Believe it or not, my orientation starts few days before New Year 08. Why 2008? My dad paid my fees a lil late and my spot was taken. Yeps! I was enrolled into TAFE WA and supposingly, Beth James Ballet Academy. My July intake was pushed to January instead. I spent my birthday in KL with my parents. Due to my decision, I had a lot of disagreements in my then BGR. It was like.. quarreling every single day or every few days where the same topic pops up and the past is being brought back into the present. I could have ended things on the spot but I believed that it's not the best solution to things. Kinda dumb. =P Anyway, rumours had it that I was gonna dump him for some other guy or someone else when I get to Perth and he believed. And he blamed me for making that decision. For choosing my future over him. I got mad and things just didn't get along well for us then. He left for Curtin Miri in July then. It was still difficult. VERY. Once in a while we'll start on the same topic again. Only to wake up one morning realizing we broke up the night before and apologized and got back together pretending nothing happened but it was REAALLLLYYY pointless. Anyway things got cold and I found out then that he found another. Without any official break off. I was alright with it in the first place but I really blew off much later. Felt cheated and hurt at the same time.
We stopped talking and when we started, we couldn't really stop. I lost all hopes in him already then. Then he ended things with her saying that I'm still the one he loves and we got back together and raised my hopes up. Few days later, he got really cold and ignored me and ended things that night saying he's back with her. I cried my heart out that night and attacked my old wound. Started to move on then. Till he came back into my life. Again. I was still blamed for making that decision. For choosing Perth over him. For choosing my future over him. I don't get who's the selfish one though. Maybe me. Maybe him. Maybe both of us. But I really have my future to brighten and I can't just throw it away. So I stayed with my decision to go to Perth. It was 13 weeks before I was set to start in Perth. 11 weeks before I was to leave to Perth. Then and there, I changed my mind. Withdrew everything. Got my money back. One of the toughest decision I had to make. When I told him, I still got blamed. Again, for the 60159th time, the same topic was brought up. Really giving me a headache. Since he was still blaming me, I cooled off. It wasn't long before we got back together for the second time. It was okay for a few days. Then the night before Christmas 07, few minutes before Christmas, I received a text from him. To end things. I couldn't cry cause my sis was just next to me. But I cried later on in bed. Cried from deep down and crossed my heart that I will NEVER EVER believe him again. Really foolish of me to believe him in the first place anyway.
So that was it. I already withdrew. Hoping that things will be fine but still. Rotten. Anyway, I didn't know where to go then. So I just continued dancing. I really love dancing a lot. It's what I do best besides playing the piano. I chose to further my ballet studies on long distance with Royal Academy of Dance, UK. The headquarters' there but surely you don't expect me to go ALL the way to London for 3 whole years on my own right? Plus, my technique still needs improvement. Things kinda changed for me about 2 months ago. The incident that changed my mind and decision. The stupid ankle injury that spoiled things for me. =( My parents did ask me again then whether I want to go Perth. As much as I want to, I didn't have the heart to leave everything and everyone behind even though I'll still be coming back. So I chose not to. For now, the decision's been made. I'm to study. Not gonna mention where and what first. But it's all been confirmed and settled. I might just escape to Perth soon. I really want to so maybe I will but I won't decide yet. The future isn't in my hands. =) So that's my story to tell. I've been giving up a lot you can say but what's there for me to do? Nothing is in my hand. It's all undecided. All part of God's plan. So while I'm still breathing, I will definitely learn from yesterday, appreciate today, brace for tomorrow. That's what I'm gonna do now.
**************************************
So I'm ending this post right here, right now and going to sleep. I don't want to fall asleep in church later in the morning. Neither do I want to lose my concentration in class later and injure myself more. =) Therefore, goodnight! =)
P/S : Now that Kenneth's mentioned it, the main point of my story is not about the relationship. It's about ballet and me. The decisions I've made for it and everything and anything related to it. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment