Funny.

Funny how it is that sometimes I try too hard. Told Suleen something today. I don't remember what. Her response ;

'Hey! I'm your best friend how come you never tell me???? *sad face*'

It stunned me too. I was a rather speechless but responded normally. Yeah.. I realize it that nowadays I'm bottling things up too much. Suleen says I should let it out. I try to but I find it pointless to do so. Thus, shut myself in darkness again. 'oh-so-innocent'. You tell me. I'm disappointed with myself too. I don't feel the best of myself. I don't have enough confidence to keep me strong. Sometimes I try to please others too much and in the end I'll upset myself. What's the whole point then, I don't know. I don't exactly like being me. I find it really low. Find myself useless at times too. It sucks. =(

Caryn's in KL. Happy's having her finals. I know Suleen will always be there but sometimes I just don't want to bug her. She has her own life and Alvin to keep, I can't hog her too much now I see her almost every day that we're starting to be like each other now. The result of this?

* waking up crying
* crying for no reason
* daydreaming every now and then
* low self-esteem
* talking to myself
* thinking too loud
* talking to plushies
* cooking
* not eating
* weight-gain
* shrinking in size
* blogging too often a night
* staring at my phone too often
* staring into space every few seconds
* less playful in dance classes
* less insane
* gets cranky easily
* gets upset easily
* get moodswings for no reason
* lying on the floor too much
* dreamless sleeps
* falling asleep expressionless
* not wanting to sleep


There's more but I can't list all down. I seriously need someone to talk to. =( Before I screw up my whole life. Sigh. Babes? Anyone? =( Nevermind. *bottling up again*





THIS IS SO NOT GOOD FOR ME!!!!!



Noone can tell how I'm feeling right now. =(
I'm looking happy.
Sounding happy.
Heck, I'M NOT A SINGLE BIT HAPPY!!!!!!