Sick.

well, I'm not SICK as in ILL. It's just all in my head. Even an afternoon out didn't help. Furthermore, I felt worse than ever. Honestly speaking, I've not felt better since the last 8 months. Sometimes I just wanna break down and cry my heart out. But I can't do that in public and embarrass myself and just make myself a laughing stock or something. And I don't think crying when I'm out with my friends would be a good idea either cause I'll just ruin the atmosphere. I've been lying on the floor thinking every now and then. I've been sitting around staring into thin air. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being ridiculous. But, I already know the answer to that. I just need to move on. I just need to erase everything in my head. Maybe I'll cross a highway soon and hopefully, I'll lose my memory and then I'll start a new life. =) And then again, it's easier said than done.

Promises are pie crust. I fully agree. All Most men are jerks. Life is not so beautiful.

If this world is just so full of love, I wouldn't be in this state. Of course, I have girl friends who love me[hopefully they do], my family, and most of all God's love. What else do I need? I can say that I'm happy. But truthfully I'm not. I don't feel complete. The only thing that's keeping me sane would be coming online and chatting with people or just texting around. Other than being down and depressed and looking like a walking zombie, I'm restless. I'm sleep deprived. Feeling this way is just making me suicidal. The more I think, the more I want to end things. Who's to be blamed but myself. I made really big mistakes and I'm just taking a long break learning my lesson. But it's just making me feel worse.

And right now, I just feel like hiding in a cave and not see the sun anymore.

All I wanna do is cry.

All I need is a hug to feel safe and warm.

I just wanna walk away and leave.