love-`

My Life My Serenity

me in my baby's oversized shirt..when i was sick 2 weeks ago..

uhuh.. yea.. that's the title of my post.. and sorry guys for the lack of update.. due to exam exam exams.. had my driving test this morning.. passed both my uphill stop and parking.. it was a tricky move that i made but luckily i passed.. as we were the first to use the new cars and not our tutor's car, the clutch was in a very tricky level.. it was at a high step and it was VERY difficult to catch the cue to release the handbrake.. thus, some of those b4 me failed on the spot as they missed the cue and their car reversed back down.. so i'm pretty glad that i passed especially i'm weak especially at the uphill stop.. but, unfortunately, i deliberately failed my driving on the road.. my tutor was shocked as i've always done well when he brought me out on the routes.. well, the tester failed me on the spot right at the junction just because i had not changed to the 2nd gear.. counting my own blessings, i had tummy ache and was feeling extrememly dizzy dat time.. however, my mum thinks that the tester shouldn't have failed me since i've barely even started.. for a particular reason which i'm not supposed to mention [suleen, caryn u noe wad it is..] anyway.. thanks a lot to my dad so now i have to resit for my driving ON the road.. argh.. that's life today.. bad mood.. sad.. missed add maths and bm paper today.. skipping tuition tonite.. bio tomorrow.. sigh.. it's just the wrong time of the month for me that's definite.. sigh..

recently i've just seen with my own eyes how marriages can just crash.. yea it happened.. to my own neighbour.. i was there lying on my belly studyin for my bio the night before [firday night] when i heard my neighbour said in hockien "get out.. u get out now.." well he said it in a pretty calm manner.. but the wife seemed to be taking it pretty hard.. there was a loud slamming of room door which i assumed the wife was in the room and i heard the husband opened the door and said smth and i don quite recall wad she said but i remembered him repeating that he wants her out now.. i went to my verandah and looked over which my dad said was "rude" but he was there himself first.. what i saw was the two kids standing out at the balcony.. they're still very young.. the husband asked them to enter the house but the wife said "no need to come in".. i heard a rummage of plastics and smth dat the wife said which the husband replied "go supermarket buy" honestly, he sounded so calm that u wont even think they argued.. there was no argument heard and out of the blue "get out" and that was it.. sigh.. my dad told me again that it's very rude of me to stare and peep so i went to my room and looked out da window to see.. i saw the wife walking with the kids out of the house and the husband following and closing the gate after them.. and they stood outside.. i managed to snap a picture on night mode with my phone so sorry if it's blur..
they were waiting for someone to pick them up.. and i saw my dad, who kept tellin me that my actions of staring and spyin was rude, walkin out and pretending to adjust the clothes hanging outside at the verandah.. going into his car to get a book.. i presumed he was just making excuses to look at the wife and kids.. filled my mum with the story after she FINALLY got off the phone.. the relative came to pick them up i guess.. i was filled in by my mum the next afternoon that the wife came with a mover and moved all the furnitures and electrical goods.. the husband wasn't home.. there were piles of dumps outside by the bin which earlier just now 2 guys came with a perodua to recycle.. includes a toy bike, several pairs of shoes, small baskets, and several useful stuffs.. there was even a BIG toy stitch which was soooo ADORABLE but i cant take it at all unfortunately.. mum told me she went and looked at a particular pair of shoes.. it was white and still new.. mum figured the husband bought for the son and after what happened she doesn't want it anymore.. sigh.. just looking at them, my mind wanders off..

love is not a game.. it's not something that u can just play around with.. it hurts to have your heart broken by someone u really love a lot.. and it's not just that.. love will truly last only if u have trust, faith, confidence and the spirit to go through each obstacle.. there may be many bumps and the road may get a lil jerky and u may have accidents if u don be careful.. and that's how love really is.. those bumps may be problems, arguments, or people that seem to be trying to come in between.. i noe i've driven thru a lot of bumps in the past.. nevertheless, i'm more broken than i should be.. if anyone would ever think that falling in love would be easy, it definitely isn't.. u don't just go round falling for anyone.. there's gotta be spark.. some specialty.. love doesn't just come around every corner.. there's got to be something to achieve and obtain some love.. then again, we would never know that it's love.. there are different kinds of love.. and we wouldn't know which is which that we're having.. we can have love for friends and love for lust.. love for crushes which never lasts.. love for idols and love for looks.. but we should never judge a book by it's cover.. sigh.. i would admit myself that i had not really known what love really is.. actually, i never learn.. everytime i fall in love i would think to myself, so this is what love is! but actually not.. sweaty palms, throbbing hearts, weak knees.. it's just a crush.. love is when u don't even know urself anymore.. u feel like u're on cloud 9.. and the world seem to stop evolving around u.. ur thoughts are often blurred by his faces.. u try to please him by dressing up.. u feel hot fire burning in u when he stares at other hot butts.. when u're with him, it's a whole new adventure and u're going down one of the longest road.. u're just willing to do anything to make the relationship last.. and u can never be happier.. and u just don't have a reason for loving him eventhough most people would say they feel special, cared for, wanted, loved.. love doesn't exactly come with a reason.. but it's a word of caution that love is quite a matter of life and death.. u can be lifeless without the one u love.. honest.. love is a special gift that can ONLY be shared by TWO particular people.. i don't mean two particular people in this WHOLE wide world but just the two people that are in love in this world.. love is wonderful.. it's deep.. it's strong.. it's powerful.. without love, one would probably be helpless but i doubt that as there are many bachelorates out there still so no offence but i feel that's how love is for me.. well.. it's obvious that love once broken, it's the end..

at the moment i'm thankful to have him who loves me and i love him lots.. doubtless the times i always put him through hardships and our small arguments, he always manage to put a smile on my face after that and make me laugh.. i love him.. he's got me caught.. if it weren't for those eyes that blazed into mine the first time i saw him, i wouldn't be loving him now.. i will always remember the first time we gazed at each other last year.. the moment was short but bliss.. for me.. i was still a perfect stranger and quite an invisble wall to him that time still.. but i still cared for him.. always will.. i love u hun.. sorry for all those times i made ur day bad.. u know that it's my own faults what we go through.. but as the saying goes, quarrels, fights, arguments, will help the bond between us go stronger.. i love u dearly.. and i promise to be good..

currently missing and loathing ;
apple ;
chiwi ;
fishy ;
grasshopper ;
my school mates ;
my tuition mates ;
but most of all ;
my beloved..