back`

im finally back to blogging again.. life had been on the peak for days.. weeks.. sigh.. drawing deep breaths, i can merely speak for myself.. i've been trying my best to study, for a betterment of life.. yet, what have i ended up with? distractions.. i can't concentrate.. never can.. even if i do.. it would be just for half an hour.. what can i get into my head in half an hour? plenty if i concentrate.. but at the mean time, almost zilch.. i need a change.. i need to be someone better.. i wouldn't want to be the black sheep of the family.. i want to be smart and do well like my sisters.. all it takes would be hard work.. sometimes, i wish my parents would pay more attention to me.. sometimes, i wish they would try to understand my point of view.. instead of just glooming over me and lecturing me about my studies.. i have my own deep regrets for staying in science stream when i could have appealed for commerce stream and perhaps do better and make my parents' worries less.. but what have i got now? 3 months left to pick up where i left.. i've to work hard.. strive.. perhaps i just need to spend more time in the library now.. where i am away from the computer.. from the tv.. from the vcds.. from the dvds.. i need tranquility.. i need concentration.. and i can't concentrate in the atmosphere i am in now.. i need space.. a place where i can breathe.. perhaps it's time i start to take things seriously.. i'm just one more day to getting a B for my attendance in school this year.. what have i got to say? i've been taken ill a few times.. i've been away for personal things for days.. i've missed school just for the sake of exams.. i've missed school just because my teachers had not been paying much attention to me anymore.. why spend time in school playing the fool when i can try and concentrate on my revision at home? hence, i need a break.. a break from school.. i need holidays.. to study.. for my own good.. i'm not giving up yet.. and i won't.. thus as much as i'm going to try and keep my blog updated though no one reads it at all, i'm going to pay more attention to my studies.. not neglecting my boyfriend as he's the one that gives me hope.. all i need is more time.. but time isn't exactly what i have anymore.. mock is a month away.. i've exactly 30 days to study.. minus 4 weekends for my classes, i only have 22 days left.. i need to organize my schedule.. not going to let myself slack and fall off anymore.. i'm changing.. and i don't care what distracts me, i'm not going to get distracted.. i'm going to pay full attention.. even if i don't pay attention in school, i'll find the free periods to study.. recess would be a small break for me and my friends.. other than that, it's study time.. no more no less.. i don't doubt my own words anymore..

to be updated again..