jokes

my sis sent these jokes to me.. =D


1st joke..

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...



Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he

looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my

porridge?" he squeaks.



Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks

into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my

porridge?!?" he roars.



Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and

yells,



"For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you

idiots?



It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.

It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put

everything away.



It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch

The newspaper and croissants.



It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.



It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the litter boxes,

gave the cats their food, and refilled their water.



And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and

grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because

I'm only going to say this once....





I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"




2nd joke..

these are blonde jokes..

A woman calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
get started.

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a
Rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns
to her and says,

First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a Rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's
have a nice cup of tea, and then.....", he said with a deep sigh,
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

"Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."


*******************


IRISH ENGINEERS and a BLONDE



Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A

blonde walks by and asks what they are doing.



Paddy: "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we

don't have a ladder."



The blonde took a spanner from her purse, loosened a few bolts and

laid the flagpole down. She pulled a tape measure from her pocket,

took a few measurements and announced that it was eighteen feet and six

inches. She then walked off.



Mick: "Ain't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives

us the length."


************


blonde LOGIC



Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench talking..... .

And one blonde says to the other, "Which do You think is farther

away........ .. Melbourne or the moon?"



The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can

You see Melbourne ...?????"









CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it

died.



After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She Says,

"What's the story?"



He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"



She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"







SPEEDING TICKET



A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very Nicely if

he could see her license.



She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act Together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then Today you expect me to

show it to you!"







RIVER WALK



There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees

Another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I

get to the other side?"



The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and Shouts

back, "You ARE on the other side."









AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE



A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said That her

body hurt wherever she touched it.



"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."



The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and Screamed,

then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even More. She pushed her knee

and screamed; likewise she Pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she

touched Made her scream.



The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?



"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."



"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken"







BLONDE ON THE SUN



A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian

said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were The

first on the moon!"



The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the Sun!"



The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their Heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said The

Russian.



To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're Going at

night!"







IN A VACUUM



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She

rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her Question was,

"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your Name, can you hear it?"



She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"









FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!



A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two

New dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde Responded by

saying that one was named Rolex and one Was named Timex.



Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like That?"



"HELLLOOOOOOO. .....," answered the blond. "They're

Watch dogs!"





3rd joke..

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this....

'You got Male!'"




4th joke...

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through
she leans over and says to her husband, " I just let out a silent fart
what do you think I should do?"
He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

told yah i'm bored!! and i'm not bothering to fix the fonts.. =)